It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
