so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
