New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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