.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
