On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
