i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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