; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
