and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
