I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
