He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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