I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
