You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
