My friends, they love my intelligence
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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