2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
