If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
3 2 1 whiskey
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
