Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
