this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
