so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
