Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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