Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
