U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my mouth tastes like poor choices
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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