Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
