Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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