hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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