my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
