Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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