The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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