I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
