You're my little dorito
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
