Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
