Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
