so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
