apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
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what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize