nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
