I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
