Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
