foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
