Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
