one might say we're banned from that church
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
