Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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