I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
