morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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