He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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