420 ftw
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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