So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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