Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
