when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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