You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
