She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
FUCK WHALES
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