I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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