How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize