i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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