Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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