shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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