I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
