The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize