I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize