Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize