sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
PANTIES FOUND
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
