i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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