Please, let me fuck your mom
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
