His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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