I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
