I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
