Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
