if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
