Rock
Scissors
Fuck
there's paper in my vomit.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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