WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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