I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
