Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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