I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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